Meeting of the Elderly

It was announced in the Tembisa ward today that the Bishop would like all the “Elderly” -- all those 55 and older -- to remain for a meeting in the chapel after sacrament meeting. Elder Wells had been asked by the second counselor to meet with him after church and help him understand a letter that he had received from the stake president so I remained in the “Elderly” meeting. After all, I am old. There were 9 people in attendance - eight were women. Only one man remained with us, though he confessed was only 51, and one woman said she would be 54 next month.

The Bishop wanted them to know that he cared about them. After all, he said, I am one of you. I am 55. Even though I may look young, I am one of you. (I certainly felt comforted.) He told them he wanted to know how they were feeling and what were their needs and worries. He said that they could come to him -- his Bishop's door was open to them. He wanted this to be a discussion - for them to tell them how they were feeling.

Since no one leaped to their feet to share their woes, he turned to me and asked how I thought elderly people felt in the church. I was quick thinking and shared the idea that we “old people” wanted to feel needed -- that we still had something to say and the desire to be of service. I mentioned that one of our senior couples who is leaving this week after their 2nd mission here felt that at home they were not really needed because the younger members were having the opportunity to serve and so they enjoyed being missionaries because they could still be useful in the church. Also, I mentioned that older people need to feel that others are aware of them and that their ideas and feelings are still important.

One concern of these good women was about their children. One said, Children now are not as they used to be. The Bishop agreed that children today are naughty. She said, They don’t listen; they talk “any way”. Another said her married children, though they have been baptized, won’t attend church. Her grandchildren are not coming to church. That is hard for her.

One woman said that the group doesn’t know each other very well. They need to have some activities to get to know each other better. The Bishop liked that idea and suggested there could be firesides or activities and perhaps they could meet with other wards in the stake so that there would be more associations and friendships and maybe (with a glint in his eye) some chance to meet future “companions" because if you are single you should get married.

When the Bishop brought up the subject of marriage the attractive 54 year old said she had no interest in being married – that when she was being taught the Gospel she told them she wanted to remain just as she was -- single. The Bishop told her it was a commandment and that she should be looking for a companion -- that she should be married. She was shaking her head. Then he asked me: “Sister Wells, isn’t it a commandment that we should be married?” Now what would you have said? One can’t contradict the Bishop, but I could imagine this convert deciding that this was going to be her last Sunday in the Tembisa Ward.

I agreed that it was indeed a commandment to be married – that in the church we stress marriage and families, but I had to add that choosing a bad marriage just to be married was not a good thing, but being open to marriage so that when the opportunity arises that it feels like the right thing to do is certainly important.

One woman scoffed, I’m 72 years old. Why would I want to get married? To get a man to take care of?

No, said the good Bishop, to have someone to share your feelings with, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to. He was enthusiastic and convinced, but his audience was not buying it. Again he turned to me so I said that indeed I knew of older couples who married and found great joy in serving together in the church and in their companionships. (But deep down, eventhough I know that Mr. J.L.B. Matekoni was a fine single man and a good catch for Mma Ramotswe, I am unsure how many L.D.S. Mr. J.L.B Matekonies there are hanging around the Benoni Stake waiting to marry traditionally built women such as these good sisters. (See The #1 Ladies Detective Agency for clarification.)

So then he suggested that they decide on a time when our group of “Elderly” should get together with others in the stake for a fireside or activity. The one active “old person” (as in the only one who serves in this ward – she is the RS chorister, RS 1st counselor, the RS teacher and the adult SS teacher – and she spoke in church today) suggested April 10, Good Friday. No one objected (or agreed).

Elder Wells came in close to the end when the bishop was talking about getting together with other wards and the Bishop said, Maybe Elder Wells would like to speak to us. Dad thought he meant at the fireside or something, but having been in this meeting with the Bishop I whispered to Dad that he meant right now, but just to say that’s a good idea and cut it short since he didn’t know what had been going on. The wise Elder was great. He said in his best psychology that this was a good idea because it was very important for people to gather together. That from infancy the need for attachment and comfort from and association with others was essential to our well being. The Bishop was grateful and pleased and the meeting ended.