Lingering Traditions

A most unfortunate situation occurred here a week ago. Our young travel agent, Cali, who returned from a maternity leave in April has been having a difficult time recently. We counseled with her one day and found that she and her husband, Welcome, had been living in a small house in the back of his parents’ yard. There had been conflict with his mother who has a problem with alcohol and Cali left. She took her toddler and the new baby to stay with her grandmother in her home village and she had not returned to the house with Welcome, but was staying with an uncle. She and Welcome had not been able to work out the problem as of yet (longer story here that I won’t go into.)

On Friday morning, June 19, Cali got word that her 4 month old baby, Zinele, had died. She was, of course, devastated. She and Welcome have no cell phone so Elder and Sister Von Stetten, whose office is 2 doors away, volunteered to take her to Welcome to tell him. The parents’ house is in a township about 50 minutes from the office and there the couple embraced and cried together. They have no transportation, nor do his parents, so the Von Stettens, against all rules, offered to take the couple to the grandmother’s house, not knowing how far away that was. Welcome’s father also got into the car. They drove about 3 ½ hours to Limpopo province to a little village near Polokwane.

The plan was to take the baby back to JoBurg for a funeral. Unfortunately, the traditions of this family and tribe created a problem for the young parents. Evidently, Welcome, a returned missionary with no money, had not paid the Lobolo for Cali. The tradition says that no marriage is considered legitimate until the husband has paid a Labolo or Labola (a dowry). This is usually a gift of cattle to the bride’s family, to compensate for their loss. We heard that Welcome was required to pay 6 cows and 12,000 Rand -- about 30,000 Rand or 4,000-5,000 dollars when they married) and now the uncle would not let them take the baby. In fact he said that the baby would be buried in the side yard at 5:00 pm that very day. Cali had no choice but to yield to her dead mother’s brother and her grandmother and honor their demand and Welcome and his father had no say at all. Old traditions say that the rights of fatherhood are acquired through Lobola and if no cattle have been given, any child born of the union remains with the mother's family.

Elder Von Stetten asked Welcome to find out from the grandmother who spoke no English if they could participate in the service (feeling that a Priesthood holder should dedicate the grave). The uncle agreed. A few women from the village arrived and Cali’s aunt wrapped the infant in a blanket. The service began, Elder Von Stetten offered a prayed, dedicated the grave and then stepped back as they put a straw mat in the bottom of the one meter deep hole, and then laid the baby into the hole. He began to say a few words regarding the plan of salvation and that Cali would have a chance to raise the child in the next life when the uncle grabbed a shovel and after scooping up some dirt, he walked from family member to family member who each took a handful and threw the dirt on the infant below as they offered comments in their native tongue. He then began shoveling the dirt into the hole. During all of this, Cali was crying hard and was comforted by her aunts and her cousin. Welcome was weeping heavily and stood alone. No one from this family offered him comfort so Elder Von Stetten went to him and put his arms around him.

In a few minutes the village women left and the family disbursed. Then they were told that Cali would not be allowed to return to Johannesburg with them. She had to stay in the village for 10 days. Both Cali and Welcome were surprised. They met privately for about 20 minutes and then they came outside so she could say her goodbyes.

Quoting from Elder Von Stetten: “This was very emotional and very trying time for these two in many ways. For a young father to be separated from his wife and his other daughter for the next 10 days, and to do this on the day that he buried his youngest daughter seemed unnecessarily cruel. A time when they need each other the most, he was not permitted to stay. My own opinion is that Cali’s relatives were making him ‘pay’ on this day of grieving for his failure to comply with years ago.

“I believe that the church is going to struggle with this cultural demand for generations to come. Many of our members are first generation and the young men struggle when coming home from their missions to try to raise the Lobolo, while also trying to follow the counsel of their Mission Presidents to return with honor from their mission and get married, educated and have a family. Those that follow this guidance without meeting the Lobolo tradition can be subjected to very cruel and unkind treatment when a family situation like this one occurs. My heart goes out to those of our members who are caught, as Cali and Welcome Mnisi were, between the church’s teachings and also in showing the respect and honor that they are taught to have in abiding by the heritage. This is truly a cultural clash that will be a major challenge in Africa for many years to come.”

Follow up note July 6: Dad and I were certainly worried about Cali and had a chance to counsel with her when she returnd to the office. She had been able to return to JoBurg before the 10 days so that she could attend to her job, but she explained that she must return to the village again for a ceremony on Saturday (this past weekend) where Welcome's and Cali's families would gather together to eat and talk. Welcome's family must provide the goat to be slaughtered. This ceremony (?) is generally held 10 days after the death of the person but since Cali was employed they postponed it for her till the weekend.

We struggle to understand the tribal traditions and sympathize with the young church members who are torn between the church culture and those of their tribes and families.

A Most Shivering June

It has been unpleasantly cold here this past week or two. I mean 0 Celsius in the mornings and that means 32 Fahrenheit! Today the computer told me that it was 34 degrees and added “feels like 27”. Now this is confusing since there are green leaves on the trees and flowers are still blooming. But with no central heat in the flats this is just plain cold for us.

You can see that some trees in the back have lost their leaves, but so many are still green and full. This is the view from our office window early this morning.

We bundle up to go into the office (shirt, sweater, jacket, coat)and when we get home we put on a couple of layers of shirts, (I wear my checked flannel shirt every single day), don our sweat suits and put a blanket over our legs when we sit down. Now we are tough and we can take it, but still, it gives us something to complain about. The day time temps get up to the 50’s and that’s not bad but still chilly.

This week, Thursday and Friday our heater evidently tripped our circuit breaker and would not be repaired so we were without power for a day, a night, and a day. Now that was uncomfortable. We got our candles and lanterns out for the evening and bundled up and went to sleep early Thursday night. We still had hot water in our geyser (hot water tank) so we could shower, thank goodness. The Wrights were out of town so I went over there to dry and curl my hair. The electrician replaced the circuit breaker since we have had so much trouble with that, and we have been slowly heating the place back up since then.

I have to continually count my blessings, though, knowing that thousand of Africans are having to deal with the cold weather in tiny houses, some made of tin, with no electricity at all. There is a little group of homeless people who live under the street near here and in the mornings as we drive to the office we see them bundled up with a little fire burning and sitting in the sunshine trying to warm themselves.

My troubles are so insignificant. My blessings so great. A little cold weather is just that. I am grateful for the sunshine to warm them and cheer me in this beautiful place.

President Mutombo Returns Home

President Mutombo (looks as though I have been spelling his name wrong all along) returned home to the DR Congo a couple of weeks ago wearing a few extra pounds and a new artificial eye making him look very handsome.

He was such a dear man and we so enjoyed having him with us. He was in Johannesburg and away from his family for 6 weeks. It was wonderful how much his English improved while he was here also. At first we could hardly communicate with him (he speaks and teaches French) but in the end we only struggled occasionally to find the right words to explain ourselves.

When he told us his conversion story he became so animated and said when he thought about it he still got that same excited feeling he felt when he first found the gospel. He was all smiles as he recounted his story and I was taking notes like crazy.

I made copies of all the pictures of our adventures together so that he could take them back to show his family to tell of his Johannesburg activities. Here are a couple from the day we spent at the Johannesburg Zoo.

Elder Wells and Pres Mutombo are comparing pieces of thick, dry skins from elephant, rhino, and hippo.

The fellows are enjoying the antics of a big grey elephant across the way.

President Mutombo asked for a copy of our family picture and upon his return he sent a picture of his family to show us. What a very handsome group, don’t you think? And doesn’t he look well? His oldest son, far right, is preparing to serve a mission right away. His first born is a daughter, back row on left. The youngest is just 3.


Here is his note:
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Dear Elder and Sister Well,
It is a pleasure when ever I think of off. I here by just attach my family picture for you.
This was the first Sunday I attended church meeting in my ward, last Sunday.What a pleasure to be back home with family after a successfull traitement in Johannesburg!
Best regards
Pdt Mutombo

We appreciate the faithful African Saints and consider our acquaintance with this good man a great blessing.

Kenya Saints Attend the Temple

Elder and Sister Bishop from the Kenya mission brought two families to the temple this week. The Bishops have served nearly 2 years in Kenya and will complete their mission in 2 weeks. This is their fourth temple trip with members.

Sister Bishop told me that these good families live about a two and a half hour drive from Nairobi. They live in mud huts with no electricity or running water. The women cook over fire stoves and much of their time is spent in cooking and caring for the needs of their families.

Both of the mothers are named Agnes. Isn't that nice?

Fathers, Brother Mutiso and Brother Kasere.

They walk over an hour to church in a very hilly region of Kenya so going both ways it is a difficult task every Sunday. There about 80 people in their branch and the members say that there are many others who would be active if they didn’t have to walk so far on Sundays. They are hoping to have a building built nearer to them and it is in the process of being approved. This building would be only about a 15 minute walk for them and they are very hopeful that it will all go through.

This is Fredrick and Agnes Kasere and their children.

Spending a few minutes looking at the fish in the pond on this beautiful sunny day.

In the family below the father (far right) is named Bonface Makau Mutiso. The custom is that his children go by the name of Makau which is the father’s middle name. He told me that it is very difficult to find work in Kenya but that he plants vegetables and sells them. He pointed to the sky and said, “This is the work that Heavenly Father has given me.” This family came to the temple to be sealed together before their son departs for his mission. Today the administrative director of the MTC, Brother Moake, arrived to take the good young missionary, Dominic, (far left) away to begin his adventure. He will be serving in the Cape Town Mission.

Brother Moake handed the young man his name badges and invited his younger brother (age 17) to do the honors. One was placed on his shirt, the other on his brand new suit jacket!


After he was officially tagged he said his good-byes to his mother (seated in gold blouse) and father, siblings and friends.

Elder Makau, his father, and younger brother age 17.
Brother Moake escourted Elder Makow to the MTC van and he was whisked away! (our office window is the dark one directly above the elder's head)

What a wonderful occasion for this good family and a powerful example for all the children who were watching.

P- Day Outing

We had an enjoyable afternoon on our P-Day, Saturday, May 23rd. We took our visiting Elder Manwill and President Mtombo for an adventure at the Lion Park! It was sunny and warm and just a beautiful day. Here are the mighty missionaries meeting face to face with a couple of friendly giraffes before heading out on the game drive.

Elder Wells is trying a little American psychology on this one. Just tell me your troubles. You can trust me.

Kind of a strange feeling to have them lick the food off my hands. I'm standing on a high platform.

President Mtombo is here in Johannesburg recuperating from eye surgury where one eye had been so badly damaged by infection that it had to be removed. His other eye is being treated and he must remain here another 3 or 4 weeks. He is from the DR Congo and is in the stake presidency there, having been in the church for 14 years. He has seven children, the youngest just 3 years old. He is a French teacher at home and speaks a little English, but Elder Manwill speaks French and has been so helpful and kind to him. They have been sharing the medical flat here.

When we entered the president was wearing Elder Manwill's sunglasses and seeing his cane they didn't charge admission for him and even gave him special treatment in the cub den.

President Mtombo can see a little and when we were feeding the giraffes and ostriches I asked him if he would like to try feeding them and he said yes. We moved him toward the giraffe and put some pellets in his hand and he was so delighted to be that close to a giraffe and feel his tongue on his hand.

And speaking of tongues . . . Elder Wells is making it easy for the big guy.

When we had the president feed the ostrich he was a little unsure. He thought it was a very big turkey!

It was just such a pleasure to see that good brother enjoying himself so far from his home and family and having just dealt with such a tragic loss of sight. He is optimistic and cheerful and ever grateful for all that he has.

It was a good day of play and resting for our good Elder Manwill as well.

We saw some majestic lions later on as we drove through the lion camps. Here are a couple of my favorites.



It was just another lovely Saturday. In Africa! With lions and giraffes!

Mission Presidents' Conference

Elder Wells and I were very fortunate to be invited to the Mission President’s Interim Conference Monday May 11 through Friday May 15 in Zambia near Victoria Falls. The conference is a chance for the mission presidents and wives to get together and share ideas and suggestions with one another about what they are doing in their various missions. They also receive counsel and teaching from the area presidency.

Arriving at the airport in Livingstone, Zambia.

The missions we serve are Cape Town, DR Congo, Durban, Johannesburg, Kenya, Madagascar, Mozambique, Uganda, and Zimbabwe. We have been to all the missions except DR Congo, Zimbabwe, and Cape Town (we were to go to Cape Town when Elder Wells made his trip to Utah in April). Hopefully we will still have a chance to go to those areas before we finish.

We were greeted at the hotel by some happy warriors drumming and chanting . Of course I had to take part.

Elder Wells and I, the mental health advisers, and Elder and Sister Heap, the medical advisers, were invited to the conference to present to both the Presidents and to the wives in the meetings on Tuesday.

They put Elder Wells to work right away counseling with President Taylor of the Kenya mission.

These people work so hard and are so full of energy it is just inspiring to be around them. Well, usually they are full of energy. This is sleepy President Christensen of Uganda. Do you think he needed this little break from missionary worries?

Four of the nine presidents are headed home this July as well as our Area President and wife, Elder and Sister Parmley who have been here in Johannesburg for 5 years!

The Mission Presidents’ wives composed and sang a clever farewell song to Sister Parmley.

President and Sister Taylor, Kenya, and President and Sister Mann, Durban and Elder Wells at dinner.

This sign was at the pond by our hotel. Would that worry you? "Please Beware of Crocodiles."

You can see the spray rising high into the air behind us even though Victoria Falls is a mile away.

Africa is a land of many wonders and Victoria Falls is an impressive sight! Here we are with President and Sister Probst of the Cape Town Mission.



We walked across a bridge where Zambia and Zimbabwe meet. We didn’t have a visa for Zimbabwe so we couldn’t enter.

This monkey jumped right up on our table and stole Sister Probst’ roll – twice! He was so fast!

Another glorious African sunset. We are so seldom out in the evening that each sunset we witness is a bonus blessing!

We saw many animals, especially elephants, on a river cruise and on a short land drive as well. It was a wonderful chance to see Victoria Falls and to mingle with such good people and hear them teach one another and share their testimonies.

We are truly blessed by every new experience we encounter, most especially by knowing and associating with men and women who are dedicated to serving the Lord in whatever calling they are asked to fulfill.

A Fall Afternoon in Johannesburg

One day we had our minds full of a big presentation we were trying to put together and so we went to the Botanical Garden for a “walk and talk”.

Besides, we wanted to experience a little of the beauties of autumn in Johannesburg.
We spend so much time indoors that we needed an afternoon outside in the fresh air.

We saw all these acorns on the ground but could not figure out where they were coming from. Then we found the sign on the tree that said this is an oak tree. You couldn't tell it from the leaves, could you?

And how about that happy face having just learned something new ?

Another tree that we were fascinated with was this long needled pine. Much like a Ponderosa. The trees are tall and just full of needles draping the ends of their branches.

This park is such a beautiful place. It is so calming and healthy for us to go there. We should go more often.

It gets dark early these days and we chanced to capture this lovely sky and then a magnificent African sunset just as we were leaving.



What a nice ending to our walk in park.